is there really hope?

I am glad to report i made it successfully through Thanksgiving AND Christmas. Maybe 5 times in 2 full months I had some sort of small sweetner or sugar that was in something. It really almost felt easy. But two months in, past the holidays and travel home to Ohio, it lost its fun.  I started making a concoction which followed the rules of NO added sweetners or sugars however it was sweet.  Organic Unsweetened applesauce, cacao nibs, raisins,  oats, organice no sugar peanut butter.  I mixed this together when I needed a "fix" and suddenly I was making it a couple times a day or more.  I also discovered organic, no sugar added figs!!  FIGS!! Ya Baby, after being without sugar, this little babies were heavenly!! It was a downard spiral from there and I slowly began letting bits of sugar, especially chocolate back in.  Now more than 2 months after I reintroduced sugar, I feel like a pile of hopeless shambles. My weight is back in the 197-200 range. Almost highest ever. Stinky. Dark Chocolate Coconut  covered almonds. Oh baby. I can eat a lot of handfuls consectively. Pizza? Oh Ya. So so so so good. 
Is there hope? Truly? I've lost 20-30 pounds, what? 5, 6, 7 times in the last 20 years. It always comes back.  Always. Whats the point? My husband doesn't change his diet or go on diets or withold foods from himself.  He's the same as ever. He's barely fluctuated in 20 years.  Am i the crazy one? Whats the answer? A dear precious woman friend of mine is the hospital. Word is she has lots of tumors. Could be cancerous. She could die. Inconclusive at this point till more results come back. Why? What is making us all so sick? It seems to be everywhere!!! is it the sugar, gmo, monsanto, gluten, fat? ugh. I wish we could live in a foreign country with only rice and beans and only once or twice a day. I KNOW I'm not alone. i know the bulk of the population is with me! Our country seems great but maybe is a little too great. Well, just thought I'd catch up on how things are going.