Reckless Relapse

What the?
Bad day. bad bad day.Why??
Started good. Days always start good. I never wake up and say, I'm gonna eat sweets now.
no no, it starts out great but then I get the flavor, the feel, the longing, give me sugar!!!! More More More!!!
 So, I usually I am fine saying no to the big warm homemade camp cookies but today I thought oh i'll nibble one. after that giant cookie and another giant cookie were gone I moved on to the snickerdoodle bars. Then the cupcake from my 7 year olds cupcake decorating class which had enough frosting for a sheet pan! Ice cream, granola bars dipped in peanut butter, processed tyson chicken patties on nice fluffy white buns, multiple chicken sandwiches with fry sauce spread on them. Dark chocolate bar, ginger snap cookies, marshmellows, whatever I could get my hands on.
What the?!
If I'm going down a bad road then lets just go down it, you know what I mean?
but why? Our country is inundated with yummy/death inducing foods.
Is hope possible? Really? Is it no sugar of any kind ever? That doesn't seem to make sense at all. That doesn't feel feasible for a lifestyle but any little TASTE of sugar and I'm outta control!
maybe hormonal? spiritual? emotional? stress eating?
If my house were clean I might eat better. If I excercised regularly I might eat better.
if i lived in a foreign country with no access to sugar i'd eat better. there has to be another way right?
Jesus  help me. Help me. help me.
I'm literally 11 pounds away from my husband and I'm so not ok with that. We were 90 pounds apart when we were married.
he tried south beach like 12 years ago but thats the ONLY kind of dietary restriction I think he's ever tried.
Help me Jesus.
I know there is hope.
I know there is.
Help me.